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contact with a target, it was usually as a servant, my appearance seriously
aged or otherwise played down.
Using me as a maid or similar also meant there was never any reason for
us to sleep together as we had in hooking Tolleson, Vachel and so many others.
He might as well have stuck me in a nun s habit here in the Americas. So the
realization slowly came to me that he was unwilling to endanger me or send me
to another man s bed, even if he never took his own pleasure with me.
He could have quit, I certainly asked him to. He was a private spy a free
agent of change one might say. No king or country owned his allegiance. There
was money enough put away. But quitting and staying with me would have
shown a vulnerability he could not admit to. Daniel objective, logical,
motivated by facts and necessity instead of emotions could not confess to
needing me.
I clearly remember our last night together in Guaymas. It was the twenty-
third of April and his ship was leaving early the next morning. We had spoken
little to one another in the days leading up to his departure. When he opened
his mouth, it was to offer some feeble apology or assurance that this was all for
the better. When I opened mine, it was to convince him to stay. Neither of us
wanted to hear what the other was saying.
So, on that last night I went into his room. There was one apology I was
willing to listen to and accept even as I hoped, in his tendering it, that I could
convince him to stay. I made no pretense in what I was up to, I came to his
room naked.
 Sophie, go back to your room, he said before I could even cross the
threshold.
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 There is no Sophie here, Daniel. In my thoughts he is always Daniel, but I
could not remember the last time I had said his name out loud. Just as I could
not remember the last time he had called me by my real name.
 Very well, then. Go back to your room& Veronique. His voice was rough
and he had to clear his throat before he could finish with my name.
 Always you are in charge, but not tonight. Each word was a footstep
closer to his bed. I pulled back the bedspread to find him dressed only from the
waist down.
 This will not get you what you want, Veronique, he said and reached for
the cover too late to keep it from spilling onto the floor.
I grabbed his outstretched hand and held it for balance as I climbed onto
the bed and straddled him. I bent forward and kissed the side of his mouth.
 All I want is for you to show me you are sorry, Daniel.
 You know I will not risk 
I stopped him with a hard kiss, coiling my hands in his hair so that he
could not easily shake loose.  That excuse does not hold any longer. There no
longer is any danger should I become pregnant, even if there were a risk of it
happening.
I let my breasts slide against him as I rubbed my cheek against his.  If you
say no tonight, it is because you do not want me& because you find no pleasure
or comfort in my body.
 Even a priest would find pleasure in your body.
I sat up and pulled at the drawstrings of his pants.  A priest has, I
reminded him.
He captured my hands as I gripped his waistband.  You are not going to do
this, Veronique.
I twisted free and grabbed the waistband again, only to have him pull me
forward by the elbows until we were chest to chest.
 Stop, you will not accomplish anything with this little girl s game.
 At least I will go to sleep well fucked for the first time in& how long?
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Ann Vremont
My eyes had adjusted to the low light of the room and I saw him shake his
head.  I never denied you the company of other men. That argument is no
good.
 Really, you did not? I stopped moving against him while I pretended to
consider what he had just said.  Then perhaps I should go down to the pier. It
is still early enough I would wager.
 Really, Veronique, I taught you better than to be so obvious. Besides, it
would undo the new life I tried to establish for you here. At this point he
shrugged.  But it is your future. If that is what you want, I will not stop you.
And he wouldn t, I knew that. I rolled away and onto my side so that my
back faced him. I hated him for a few seconds before my grief at his leaving
rolled over me and I began to cry.
He sighed and then reached down to pull the blanket back up onto the bed.
He snapped it high in the air above so that it floated out over us.  False tears
are another tool that will not work against me. You should know that.
But they weren t false tears and it was only the second time in all our time
together that he had been with me when I genuinely cried that is, when I cried
as Veronique and not as Julienne or Emily or any of the dozen other names I ve
held.
 Almost convincing, but stop it. He nudged me in the back with his elbow,
some of the confidence having left his voice.  That is enough, Veronique. Go
back to your room.
I shook my head and then stole his half of the blanket and wrapped the
whole of it tight around me.  You sleep in there.
He rolled toward me and touched my exposed shoulder.  Stop crying.
I jerked my shoulder hard enough that his hand slipped.  I am not crying,
remember?
He moved closer, this time putting his arm around my waist.  Why do you
want this when it will change nothing? I will still leave in the morning, and I
will not be coming back.
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 I just want it. I was still crying, my body tense with the tears as he started
to unwrap me. He rolled me onto my back, the blanket beneath us. As he
settled on top of me, I whispered my full need to him, letting him know I would
not stand for his merely pleasuring my body.  I want all of you tonight. Every
kiss and thrust, every last drop.
 I am still leaving, you must believe that.
I hit his shoulder with my fist before wrapping my arms around him and
pressing my fingertips into the flesh of his shoulders.  Fine, you fucking
coward. Just show me that you are sorry to be going. You ve said it enough,
now prove it to me.
I have already recorded the details of some of our prior sexual liaisons.
There were instances when it certainly felt like more than stage fucking, but
always it was under some pretense. Always there was a purpose to be served
by his touching me. While I will not discount the possibility he wanted me, too,
our first time was, I think, to teach me a lesson about who was in control. On
the bed in Rome as we waited for the carriage, he wanted me ready to faint
from my sexual frustration. Even then, he only teased me with his mouth.
These were patterns often repeated.
This was the first time with so few pretenses for surely, with his refusal to
stay, he still offered me the lie that he did not love me or care too much for me.
But it was a pretense I knew I would have to tolerate if I hoped to change his
mind.
He started slow, kissing my eyes and temples, then my nose. As I relaxed
beneath him, he gently parted my legs wide enough that the head of his
erection could split the seal of my lips and nestle against my clit. He kissed my
ears, sucking and biting at their lobes before licking my jaw line. All the while,
small movements with his hips had his cock head teasing the spine of my sex.
He allowed me very little space to move as he kissed and stroked me. He
pressed his arms tight against my sides, his palms open and tucked beneath
me to cradle my back. He whispered my name once and then kissed me on the [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]