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way in which we see problems. I had lived for months trying to avoid the problem, seeing it as a
source of irritation, a stumbling block, and wishing it would somehow go away. But, as it turned out,
the very problem created the opportunity to build a deep relationship that empowered us to work
together as a strong complementary team.
I suggest that in an interdependent situation, every P problem is a PC opportunity -- a chance to
build the Emotional Bank Accounts that significantly affect interdependent production.
When parents see their children's problems as opportunities to build the relationship instead of as
negative, burdensome irritations, it totally changes the nature of parent-child interaction. Parents
become more willing, even excited, about deeply understanding and helping their children. When a
child comes to them with a problem, instead of thinking, "Oh, no! Not another problem!" their
paradigm is, "Here is a great opportunity for me to really help my child and to invest in our
relationship." Many interactions change from transactional to transformational, and strong bonds of
love and trust are created as children sense the value parents give to their problems and to them as
individuals.
This paradigm is powerful in business as well. One department store chain that operates from this
paradigm has created a great loyalty among its customers. Any time a customer comes into the store
with a problem, not matter how small, the clerks immediately see it as an opportunity to build the
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
relationship with the customer. They respond with a cheerful, positive desire to solve the problem in a
way that will make the customer happy. They treat the customer with such grace and respect, giving
such second-mile service, that many of the customers don't even think of going anywhere else.
By recognizing that the P/PC Balance is necessary to effectiveness in an interdependent reality, we
can value our problems as opportunities to increase PC.
The Habits of Interdependence
With the paradigm of the Emotional Bank Account in mind, we're ready to move into the habits of
Public Victory, or success in working with other people. As we do, we can see how these habits work
together to create effective interdependence. We can also see how powerfully scripted we are in other
patterns of thought and behavior.
In addition, we can see on an even deeper level that effective interdependence can only be achieved
by truly independent people. It is impossible to achieve Public Victory with popular "Win-Win
negotiation" techniques of "reflective listening" techniques or "creative problem-solving" techniques that
focus on personality and truncate the vital character base.
Let's now focus on each of the Public Victory habits in depth.
Habit 4: Think Win-Win TM -- Principles of Interpersonal Leadership
We have committed the Golden Rule to memory; let us now commit it to life.
-- Edwin Markha
* *
One time I was asked to work with a company whose president was very concerned about the lack
of cooperation among his people.
"Our basic problem, Stephen, is that they're selfish," he said. "They just won't cooperate. I know if
they would cooperate, we could produce so much more. Can you help us develop a human-relations
program that will solve the problem?"
"Is your problem the people or the paradigm?" I asked.
"Look for yourself," he replied.
So I did. And I found that there was a real selfishness, and unwillingness to cooperate, a resistance
to authority, defensive communication. I could see that overdrawn Emotional Bank Accounts had
created a culture of low trust. But I pressed the question.
"Let's look at it deeper," I suggested. "Why don't your people cooperate? What is the reward for
not cooperating?"
"There's no reward for not cooperating," he assured me. "The rewards are much greater if they do
cooperate.
"Are they?" I asked. Behind a curtain on one wall of this man's office was a chart. On the chart
were a number of racehorses all lined up on a track. Superimposed on the face of each horse was the
face of one of his managers. At the end of the track was a beautiful travel poster of Bermuda, an idyllic
picture of blue skies and fleecy clouds and a romantic couple walking hand in hand down a white
sandy beach.
Once a week, this man would bring all his people into this office and talk cooperation. "Let's all
work together. We'll all make more money if we do." Then he would pull the curtain and show them
the chart. "Now which of you is going to win the trip to Bermuda?"
It was like telling one flower to grow and watering another, like saying "firings will continue until
morale improves." He wanted cooperation. He wanted his people to work together, to share ideas, to
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
all benefit from the effort. But he was setting them up in competition with each other. One
manager's success meant failure for the other managers
As with many, many problems between people in business, family, and other relationships, the
problem in this company was the result of a flawed paradigm. The president was trying to get the
fruits of cooperation from a paradigm of competition. And when it didn't work, he wanted a
technique, a program, a quick-fix antidote to make his people cooperate.
But you can't change the fruit without changing the root. Working on the attitudes and behaviors
would have been hacking at the leaves. So we focused instead on producing personal and
organizational excellence in an entirely different way by developing information and reward systems
which reinforced the value of cooperation.
Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor, the moment you step from independence
into interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role. You are in a position of
influencing other people. And the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is Think Win-Win.
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
Win-win is not a technique; it's a total philosophy of human interaction. In fact, it is one of six
paradigms of interaction. The alternative paradigms are win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose, win, and
Win-Win or No Deal TM
Win-Win
Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions.
Win-win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a
win-win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan.
Win-win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena. Most people tend to think in terms of
dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking if
fundamentally flawed. It's based on power and position rather than on principle. Win-win is based
on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the
expense or exclusion of the success of others.
Win-win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher
way.
Win-Lose
One alternative to win-win is win-lose, the paradigm of the race to Bermuda. It says "If I win, you
lose.
In leadership style, win-lose is the authoritarian approach: "I get my way; you don't get yours."
Win-lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their
way.
Most people have been deeply scripted in the win-lose mentality since birth. First and most
important of the powerful forces at work is the family. When one child is compared with another --
when patience, understanding or love is given or withdrawn on the basis of such comparisons -- people [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]